Do you have a loved one who drinks too much or is addicted to drugs? Are you frustrated because your attempts to help have failed?
If this is you, read on because I will show you how to help your chemically-dependent loved one.
At what Stage of Change is your loved one?
The first thing you must consider in helping a loved one with an alcohol or drug problem is how willing he is to admit he has a problem and how willing he is to go into treatment.
Here are the Stages:
- Pre-contemplation: He feels he doesn't have a problem.
- Contemplation: Ambivalence towards change. Not considering treatment right now.
- Preparation: Planning on entering treatment within the next month.
- Action: Actively engaged in treatment.
The video below will tell you more about the Stages of Change:
For a person in the pre-contemplation stage:
It is important for you to validate his lack of readiness to admit that he has a problem. You should reiterate to him that the decision to get help is his, but that he should re-evaluate his current behavior and consequences.
For the person in the contemplation stage:
Clarify that, again, the decision is his, but go over the benefits to his life if he were to stop drinking or get off drugs. Offer treatment options and keep the line of communication open.
The person in the preparation stage:
This person could be actively considering getting help. You can help him to get on a waiting list to a residential treatment program, and let him know that he is capable of doing it. Small steps forward will go a long way at this stage.
The person in the action stage:
The chemically-dependent person is in a recovery program or is attending 12-step meetings and is maintaining his abstinence. You can be his sounding board and reaffirm his ability to succeed.
It is important for you to validate his lack of readiness to admit that he has a problem. You should reiterate to him that the decision to get help is his, but that he should re-evaluate his current behavior and consequences.
For the person in the contemplation stage:
Clarify that, again, the decision is his, but go over the benefits to his life if he were to stop drinking or get off drugs. Offer treatment options and keep the line of communication open.
The person in the preparation stage:
This person could be actively considering getting help. You can help him to get on a waiting list to a residential treatment program, and let him know that he is capable of doing it. Small steps forward will go a long way at this stage.
The person in the action stage:
The chemically-dependent person is in a recovery program or is attending 12-step meetings and is maintaining his abstinence. You can be his sounding board and reaffirm his ability to succeed.
Info on Addiction and Alcoholism
There are five things that characterize addiction:
1. It is a disease (an involuntary disability).
2. It is often progressive and fatal. (It gets worse with time and you can die from it.)
3. There are adverse consequences. (These can be psychological, physical, occupational, legal, interpersonal, and spiritual.)
4. There is impaired control. (An addict can no longer predict what will occur when he uses.)
5. There is denial. (A delusional system that prevents the user from recognizing reality)
Addiction Always Plays Itself Out in Four Phases:
PHASE ONE:
This is the first use and can only occur once. It moves the person's feelings in a welcome direction, towards the euphoria, and it feels good for most people. They learn how much to take to feel good (the dosage). Because it's pleasant, they move on to Phase Two.
PHASE TWO:
Where the person seeks out the mood swing. He will seek out situations where he can use drugs and experience the mood swing and enjoy it. However, if he is in Phase Two, he will do this within the norms of society. In other words, he will still function in his normal everyday life, and no one will notice any contradictions. Once in awhile he may use drugs to excess, but there is no emotional cost, no remorse over it. He will say things like, "I blew it. It won't happen again." However, for those that have the disease, something occurs that moves them to Phase Three (harmful dependence - where the person exhibits a loss of control.)
PHASE THREE:
At this stage, there is an impairment or a loss of control. The person can no longer predict the outcome of his behavior. It violates his values and causes remorse or emotional pain about what occurred. There are negative feelings that trigger denial (rationalize, minimize, blame), which leads to unresolved emotional pain. A person in denial is literally incapable of realizing that he is addicted. As the disease progresses, Phase Three will occur over and over again. The unresolved emotional pain builds and builds and builds. But the pain is still connected to some wrong done while using drugs. Eventually, the emotional pain becomes chronic. It is there all the time, even when the person is not using drugs. He is angry, resentful, and his self esteem has fallen through the bottom. He says things like, "I'm no damn good" and is sometimes even suicidal.
PHASE FOUR:
Now the chemically-dependent person is covering up the chronic emotional pain, i.e., using drugs or alcohol to feel normal. The negative feelings are present all of the time. The person must use his drug to escape from his pain and try and feel normal. It works, and it can trigger another sequence of more trouble and more loss of control. This is the point where an addict will reach his "bottom," where we can get him into treatment, if we haven't intervened before this time.
1. It is a disease (an involuntary disability).
2. It is often progressive and fatal. (It gets worse with time and you can die from it.)
3. There are adverse consequences. (These can be psychological, physical, occupational, legal, interpersonal, and spiritual.)
4. There is impaired control. (An addict can no longer predict what will occur when he uses.)
5. There is denial. (A delusional system that prevents the user from recognizing reality)
Addiction Always Plays Itself Out in Four Phases:
PHASE ONE:
This is the first use and can only occur once. It moves the person's feelings in a welcome direction, towards the euphoria, and it feels good for most people. They learn how much to take to feel good (the dosage). Because it's pleasant, they move on to Phase Two.
PHASE TWO:
Where the person seeks out the mood swing. He will seek out situations where he can use drugs and experience the mood swing and enjoy it. However, if he is in Phase Two, he will do this within the norms of society. In other words, he will still function in his normal everyday life, and no one will notice any contradictions. Once in awhile he may use drugs to excess, but there is no emotional cost, no remorse over it. He will say things like, "I blew it. It won't happen again." However, for those that have the disease, something occurs that moves them to Phase Three (harmful dependence - where the person exhibits a loss of control.)
PHASE THREE:
At this stage, there is an impairment or a loss of control. The person can no longer predict the outcome of his behavior. It violates his values and causes remorse or emotional pain about what occurred. There are negative feelings that trigger denial (rationalize, minimize, blame), which leads to unresolved emotional pain. A person in denial is literally incapable of realizing that he is addicted. As the disease progresses, Phase Three will occur over and over again. The unresolved emotional pain builds and builds and builds. But the pain is still connected to some wrong done while using drugs. Eventually, the emotional pain becomes chronic. It is there all the time, even when the person is not using drugs. He is angry, resentful, and his self esteem has fallen through the bottom. He says things like, "I'm no damn good" and is sometimes even suicidal.
PHASE FOUR:
Now the chemically-dependent person is covering up the chronic emotional pain, i.e., using drugs or alcohol to feel normal. The negative feelings are present all of the time. The person must use his drug to escape from his pain and try and feel normal. It works, and it can trigger another sequence of more trouble and more loss of control. This is the point where an addict will reach his "bottom," where we can get him into treatment, if we haven't intervened before this time.
Refusal to go into treatment
Many addicts and alcoholics refuse to get help no matter how far they sink in their disease. In this event, the most successful method of help is to have an intervention.
RIP
Staging an intervention
The purpose of an intervention is to present reality to that person in a receivable way. If done correctly, 8 out of 10 people will go into treatment.
There are several parts to an intervention:
Step 1: Gathering the Intervention Team:
- Make a list of meaningful persons other than yourself who surround the chemically dependent person.
- Employer or immediate supervisor
- Spouse
- Children
- The chemically dependent person’s parents
- Close friends or neighbors
- Coworkers
- Member of the clergy
People who know something about chemical dependency (or if they don’t, you will have to educate them);
- Are willing to risk their relationship with the victim;
- Are emotionally adequate to be interveners.
- You do not want somebody who is chemically dependent themselves.
- They need to know that if they do nothing, the chemically dependent person will die prematurely.
- Data is information. There are two types of information that you are going to gather:
- Make written lists of specific incidents or conditions related to the victim’s drinking or drug use that legitimatize your concern.
- The lists should have the following: What happened, What I did, How I felt
- The lists should give specifics that, should the person not take the help that is offered at the intervention (treatment), specific things that they will be doing to stop enabling the person's addiction, i.e. calling him in sick to work when he has a hangover, giving him money, etc.).
- (During the intervention, treatment is offered to the addict/alcoholic.)
Type B:
- Find out about treatment options in your area.
- What is it that you are going to do with the person if he/she decides to go into treatment? Example: Drive him to treatment facility and help him during admission.
- If you have adequate insurance, you are going to have a bed in a really top-notch program;
- If there isn’t adequate insurance, you are going to find a program that will take less money or has a sliding scale;
- If none of that is an option, then find a 12-step program – The person will attend 30 meetings in 30 days.
- Designate a chairperson.
- Go over each item on the written lists that team members have prepared.
- Determine the order in which team members will read their lists during the intervention.
- Choose someone to play the role of the chemically dependent person during the rehearsals.
- Determine the responses that team members will make to the chemically dependent person.
- Conduct the rehearsal.
- Leave nothing to chance.
- Where the intervention meeting will be held?
- Who is going to get the person there?
- Who is going to drive him/her to the hospital?
Where there's breath, there's hope.
No matter where your loved one's chemical dependence has taken him, you can help him to get into treatment. Though the ultimate choice is his, your compassion and assistance could make all the difference in the world.
Life Recovery Program
Helpful Links:
Interventionists
- Intervention - Meet the Interventionists - A & E TV
Intervention specialists Jeff VanVonderen, Candy Finningan and Ken Seeley help those suffering from addictions with drug, alcohol and other addiction interventions on A&E TV.
Interventionist Referrals
- Alcoholism Interventionist Treatment Center Drug Alcohol Intervention
Coast to Coast Interventions is the leader in comprehensive drug and crisis intervention strategies. - National Intervention Referral
Referrals all over the U.S. for interventionists - National Association of Drug and Alcohol Interventionists
More qualified interventionists -- qualified and certificated
Alcoholics Anonymous
- Alcoholics Anonymous Website
You will find meetings, literature, and much more about this worldwide, 12-step recovery program.
Cocaine Anonymous
- Welcome to Cocaine Anonymous
The members of Cocaine Anonymous seek to help others to recover from their addiction. We use the 12 Step Recovery program, and welcome any person who desires to stop using cocaine and any other mind-altering substance.
Narcotics Anonymous
- www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous
Information on meetings, literature, and more about this worldwide 12-step organization.
Al-Anon / Alateen
- Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Help for the families of alcoholic/addicted loved ones. This is a worldwide organization and 12-step community.
Crystal Meth Anonymous
- Crystal Meth Anonymous
The Fellowship of Crystal Meth Anonymous works a Twelve Step program of recovery. We have not felt the need to elaborate in great detail a specific CMA approach to the Twelve Steps: too many other excellent outlines already exist for following these
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